After running away for so many years finally I am on the other side of the game, ‘yes! I am married now’. Does this change my view on marriage?? Does those fairy tales about prince charming is a reality or just the advertising element to sell marriages as a product? I will say a NO. I am still doubtful, why we have to make things complex, if we can easily make it simple by just being in LOVE.

 Yes, I am happily married for past one year and exploring new things every day in my marriage. Rather, I am still in the sync up mode but still things are getting better day by day. I understand marriage just not brings two identities together but also two lives with different choices, complex attitude and their own lifestyles and amalgamation of all these leads to unwanted fights.
After marriage things have been changed, my perspective for most of the issues are concerning my husband. . I know my priorities, dislikes, likes, preferences, mood swings, food habits and may be the symptoms of getting ill have undergone a major shift for the sake of marriage and I am trying to convince myself that this is ‘NORMAL’.
Marriage change both man and woman. Women find internal and organizational take over where as men find external and financial takeover. He, as a man also fighting to get in into a new scenario which we, intentionally created for ourselves.
I was a very ambitious girl with full of dreams, good job, independent, bold, outspoken and happy attitude (this was me before marriage). In just one shot all these traits are either missing or in the verge of fade. I will not blame my husband for this but will surely blame marriage. It took everything from me; my parents, my friends, my job, my independence. I shifted to USA and being not from an IT background, getting a job is difficult. So my husband suggested me to pursue my studies and here I am, again experiencing a student life (surely with the pressure of having a baby).
After marriage you cannot be yourself any more, you have pressure from society to behave in a certain manner, to talk politely, to wear decent clothes and inform someone before leaving the house. These may not be the restriction in my maternal house.
Everyday I discover a new statement stating my qualities (or you may say shortcomings), a new adjective, which is new to me and before marriage I was not aware of these traits. I always overthink on these adjectives and ask myself am I like this or marriage made me so??
I often miss my friends and family, I do call them but they are also so busy in their own so called married life.
Ya we spend good time too. We go for holidays, he cooks for me, he makes me feel special with surprise gifts and candle light dinners, he opens a door for me but again these are the short term activities. He is working and I am now a housewife. I wait all day for him to come home at talk to me, rather he either sleeps of work at home. When I complain about his time, he tells me that everybody works like this in USA(Indians who works for two time zones).
We play a blame games and blame each other or n number of things, (I will not go into the details) but at the end we sort it out, as in the end we will remain together and it’s about us. 
Yes I am ‘MARRIED’ and living the complex life, but I am happy here, its peaceful here (apart from all the madness).
I miss talking my heart out, I miss being myself, I miss my long drives, I miss myself….. I thing I am in a rebooting mode (with some new updates).


OLDmates to SOULmates

DesktopTo all loving friend (specially married) out there, ‘I LOVE YOU ALL…. and miss our silly talks and dusky hangouts. I don’t want to say you have changed, but!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER: No words are here to harm anyone’s feeling, i know you all lve me and care for me but these are the things which annoys me a lot and should be rectify….

We were friends….actually best buddies… we have a  large gang, where we use to share our thoughts, joys and sorrows, make promises, constitute anticipation about our future. With the growing age  we fall apart, with different tasks to pursue and with the growing age some got engaged.

Soon my ‘Facebook Wall’ is blowing up with announcements of my former FRIENDS getting engaged and started preparing for further “add ons”

They found their “LOVE”, got MARRIED, and living happily in their cocoons . They are more busy in their lives (which i truly understand and appreciate).  Moment they got married, they have an extended family, husband, children, job, responsibilities etc to look over. Sadly friends end up at the bottom of the list; promises they made as a friend fades away with time.

i have no complains regarding such affairs. But their are some things married friends really need to look over. I know you all are worried about the leftovers in your gang. But understand our perspective too.

‘Living as a single person in a tightly knit religious community is a total suck-fest and you doing the same, they don’t forget to set up their single friends’.

Married freinds make assumptions like stereo types-

1. I think he/she is not yet overcome his/her past relation.

2. I think he/she is not straight.

3. He/ She sets their bars too high that nobody meeting up their criteria (they should actually redefine their bars, otherwise nobody will marry them)

4. Over ambition is some time harmful.

5. If not get married on time they will either get a divorcee or a widow.


After making their assumptions they start giving us the advice or a “push” to put us in a relationship:

  • May be you should join a club or move out from here, put yourself out more and interact with new people, if you really want to meet someone.
  • Plan your wedding before I plan my baby (otherwise I will not be able to attend your wedding)
  • (or agar hum bole ki abhi nai karni hume shadi) Hey, Ok don’t get  married but at least meet people (kya pata kab kaun acha lag jae. baat nai karogi to kaise karogi shadi)
  • find someone by yourself
  • patch up with your ex and get married to him/her, i think he is the right person for you (jisko yahi dost gali dete the aj patchup karne bol rahe hai :O)
  • hey I have a friend, why don’t you people hang out, ‘kya pata kuch acha ho jae’.
  • You are running out of your age, later on it will be difficult to conceive

They always treat us like we have failed at some test, or we have some disabilities, just because we haven’t succumbed to monogamy.

They call me often and the conversation is always one sided, they never listen to us and have their own stories to tell (yaar hume bhi kuch batana ho sakta hai), and over it when we start to speak this happens:-

“Married friend presses for details. I provide details. Married friend gives advice. I listen and try of how to explain my side without being rude. ( which actually never happens). Married friend continues with advice. I am quite and hopefully polite. Conversation ENDS”

Friends, we know you have so much to talk about, you care about us, but their are topics apart from marriage in this world, over which we can chat about. Your single friend wants to hang out with you and your spouse, without feeling wired. I am not here to complain about our friendship, I know you peoploe are worried and care about me. But it’s important for both the side to listen and to kindly choose your words carefully (I don’t want you people to pity of me because, ‘I am not married’).

I really hope, my own married friends don’t think this section is all bout things they have done because it’s not. I just hope that by reading this you make your friend feel strong and not weak for not getting married (make them feel you are with them always).I know it’s a challenge juggling a relationship and friends at the same time, dude we are not demanding time but spare us with these issues (already relatives hai iske liye).

Marriage is the matter of  right time , the day they have their time to get married they will, but till than kindly glam up your friendship with other stuff and not marriage( society is enough for pushing us for marriage, let them handle this).


ABSTRACT:This paper represent the introductory study of gated enclaves in Bhopal. Bhopal initially developed as a gated city but lately developed as an integrated city. Until recently in 2000, the political developments and urbanization started to formalize the fabric of the city. Transport infrastructure developed and transformations in existing urban environment followed new formations in vacant land at the sub-urban boundaries of the city. The real estate market and developers initiated gated development and since then these are the trend of urban development of Bhopal. The development patterns of gated communities in many countries show that developers recognize the opportunity to sell safety and security to a niche market. But the objectives in Indian scenario changes due to ethnic groups, social status and urban governance. Against this background this paper will investigate the pattern of gated communities in western contest and what are the typologies of these communities, will also study similar aspect in Bhopal as a case example, and conclude the paper whether the communities present in Indian scenario are same as western patterns or else they form the different typology.


Urbanization leads to optimistic dynamism for transformation and the cities are guided predominantly to urban era. Cities craft economy, create opportunities for education and employment and a richer social and cultural life(Ravindra, 2012). It is also true that various forms of exclusion continue to marginalize large number of residents, depriving them access to many of the opportunities cities offer, in other words, the right to enjoy the ‘urban advantage.’ Urban growth has also come to be identified with poverty and slums(Jill Grant, Lindsey Mittelsteadt, 2004). Cities are dynamic in nature and have multiple layers added to it which makes it vulnerable for the individual. This vulnerability leads to the formation of community having similar characteristics.

In the late 20th century, an ancient urban form began to reappear in modern settlements (Judd, 1995; Morris, 1994).Gated communities are an important are the Common Interest Developments (CID), in these kind the concept of defensible space in the prime objective.Gates and barriers indicate the depth of security concerns contemporary cities must address crime, traffic, loss of sense of community and fear of mixing. They are planned and marked as spatially segregated environment. The communities have the resident’s ownership and control common areas or shared amenities.

The gated communities are defined by many experts differently;a gated community is a housing development on private roads closed to general traffic by a gate across the primary access. The developments may be surrounded by fences, walls, or other natural barriers.(Jill Grant, Lindsey Mittelsteadt, 2004)

….residential areas with restricted access in which normally public spaces are privatized. They are security developments with designated perimeters, usually walls or fences, and controlled entrances that are intended to prevent penetration by nonresidents. They include new developments and older areas retrofitted with gates and fences, and they are found from the inner cities to the exurbs and from the richest neighborhoods to the poorest. (Blakely, E.J., M.G. Snyder, 1998). Hence we can define it as anexclusive community with the shared amenities and facilities, fortified all around and have restricted entrance.


The gated communities are not the new phenomenon, historically the gated enclaves are built but the objectives were different. The gated developments of those eras were built for the security as a prime objective and then the social segregation. The fear from invaders or the natural calamity fear forces them to build the wall around the city. Similar is the case with Indian cities, they built gates around the settlement to protect themselves. In Indian context the racial and social discrimination is the prime demarcation and the reason for the gates. The forts and noble settlements are the kind of gated communities in India. Thus the system of walls and class division was deeply engaged in India. The heritage of this system can still be seen on the Indian landscape in the walled forts and mansions.


In 1800 the gated communities were initially built up in America. They were built to insulate themselves from the troublesome aspects of rapidly industrializing cities.Primarily they were integrated with larger civic space. But the gated development privatized these civic spaces for the communities residing. Later in 19th century more gated compounds were developed by members of East Coast and Hollywood for privacy, protection and prestige.

Till 1960-70 the only typologies of such developments were retired enclaves. Later in the 20th century fenced compound were built for privacy, protection and prestige. They were termed as uncommon places for uncommon man (Blakely, E.J., M.G. Snyder, 1998). The leisure was the first development for the urban middle class, and soon these typologies spread throughout the sub-urban development of many western cities. In developing countries cities are divided between wealthy and poor, gated communities provide another layer of comfort for city’s wealthy people. Nowadays the communities are not restricted to wealthy people, now every social class can access such kind of development with different degree of facilities provided.


The main features of these developments are:

  • These developments are separated by surrounding development by a barrier to human movement, usually in the form of wall or fences and entry or exit are under surveillance.
  • Privatized community space. All the public areas have been privatized and only the community resident can access such places and other are not allowed accessing the area.
  • Privatized civic responsibilities; police, communal services such as street maintenance, recreation and entertainment.
  • They are run by self-governing home owners associations or else developer itself.
  • Amenities available in a gated community depend on a number of factors including geographical location, demographic composition, community structure, and community fees collected.
  • They aim to avoid the spillovers of urban residential and industrial developments such as:

crime, increasing  through traffic, free-riding of the amenities, urban decay.

Blakely and Snyder in their book Fortress America describes 3 kind of gated communities





Prestige community

It is basically wealth and status oriented development andgates prevent the wealth from outside world.They don’t include common facilities and amenities. These are the fastest growing development form in western cities as the status symbol. Services such as gate guards add to the sense of exclusivity, these werefound more among the rising upper-middle class in developing world. Walls and gates are erected to determine crime, limit traffic or maintain property values. The gates are just to seclude them from the world and mark them as exclusive; the security is not a prime objective.
Gates are the main characteristics and this is the need of the community. Fear of crime and outsiders is the main objective of such development and that is the reason why they put up the gates. These may or may not be a planned development and later if resident felt the need for security the put up the gates all around. These enclaves strengthen the feeling and function of community.Most common in coastal secondary- home developments with mixed incomes and part and full time residents.Security Zone Community

Life style community

The development focuses on leisure activities with recreational facilities, common amenities and shared service core. These developments can follow certain theme for the development. The main features of these developments are country club, golf course, private beach or lake which gives them the sense of lifestyle. These are the development in sub-urban new townships to attract the residents living in cluttered cities. It may contain several thousand housing units incorporating residential, commercial, and retail activities within or nearby. The security measures here are concentrated to control issues rather than crime.


About the city

Bhopal is developed in 11th century and later redeveloped in 18th century by the Mughals. The city declared as a capital city 1956 and also a new industrial town BHEL was established in the north east. Due to this the employment option increases and the people start migrating to the city to grab the opportunity; this in return increases the housing demand in the city. Bhopal is the conglomeration of four different cities and not termed city as a whole but the people discriminate them from the area they are residing. It is also the form of gated development but the gates and walls are not tangible. 


The city of Bhopal in 18th century was re-established by Dost Mohambed Khan,  this is a typical historical Mughal development, with Fathegarh as a fort for the ruler and Sher-E-Khas as a city for nobles. The have a large civic space to gather there for public affairs, called as Iqbal Maidan. But as the city grew the walls were demolished in after the formation of capital in 1956. At that time the housing need increases due to the job opportunity, and hence government developed many colonies to reside his employee and so they developed colonies for private employees, but these communities were not gated but have virtual segregation of class as they form different quarters for different class officers. Figure 4: gated development in history, representing for for the ruler and walled city for nobles

They established LIG, MIG and HIG quarters for the bank officers and A to I type for government employees of different class. The Char Imli and Shivaji Nagar were the two major government resident development in new city, also they sale the plots to private owners and developed arera colony, which is the posh area of the city.
As the urbanization grew the city limit extend and the infrastructure developments give the developers an opportunity to develop the housing outside the city limits as the land prices are low and the municipal bye-laws are minimal outside the city limits. The infrastructure is low and the surroundings are barren and this is the initial reason for putting up gates around these developments, later is became the trend an d now every development has the walls and gates all around.GATED DEVELOPMENT IN EARLY 21ST CENTURY

 The prime reason for the success of these communities is that they are providing all the facilities which the uran gorvenace failed to provide like, water supplly, sewerage, electricity etc. all these are provided by these developers on private basis and people are ready to expense more to get these facilities as in city they have to suffer for these things because of the poor infrastructure and weak service.

Features of gated communities in Bhopal

  • They have the gate and fences all around.
  • Some communities are for specific as they are for special administrative officials.
  • All the amenities are shared by all the residents.
  • In newer development outside the city limits the leisure and recreation facilities are provided to the residents.
  • The enclaves within the city limits have security as a prime issue and they may or may not have the leisure facilities.
  • They have private associations to sort the daily problems of the society.
  • The newer developments have the mixed ratio of row houses, bungalow typology and apartments, with small commercial space.
  • It appeals to those who cannot rely on public regulations and political processes to protect their homes from unwanted people.


Bhopal have mainly 4 kind of gated pattern in the city, they are characterized by its facilities, size, amenities and the social status they prefer to.

  1. RBI Colony: It is a bank officer colony.
  2. Area Colony: It is the private plotted development.
  3. Maple Tree: It is the private development with apartment typology.
  4. JNNURM Housing: Housing for urban poor.

This is the housing development for the RBI officers and employees. This is within the city limits and has the shared facilities and amenities within the campus. The people belong to same work center and hence have same work background. The security check is must and outsiders are not allowed to access the area without the known person residing in the colony. The gardens are privatized and no outsiders are allowed to play in the garden. Restricted traffic movement and no city traffic can access the colony; there were 3 gates to access the colony.The colony have their own private club and guest house. The urban form merges with the city as all around the government development is their.


Area colony was initially developed as the plotted development without gates. Later due to exclusivity the gates were built, as it is the posh area of the city and many big residences were within the campus. There are different sectors in area colony and all the sectors have common club, but each sector does not have their own club, the green spaces here are not privatized and are accessible for the outsiders too, the security guard are  not at the gates for the check and city traffic can easily move within the campus.


It is the sub urban gated development with all the facilities and amenities provided within the campus and was marketed and the theme based garden; it have security check and wall all around, people are restricted to enter the society and green areas are privatized. The design is planned to enhance the lifestyle. They are the art apartment typology and have shared facilities.


In 2009 the JNNURM proposed the scheme for the housing for urban poor. The demolished the slum and rehabilitate them into the G+3 stories apartment with all the amenities, but there is no facilities and open areas for the people residing there, the boundary wall was put all around to seclude them from the city fabric. The high boundary wall, exclude them from the street and there is no interaction of the settlement with the street. They have common toilets and no other facilities are provided to these developments, streets are narrow and building is high, which forms the sense of enclosure.

To compare the enclaves a matrix in being formulated stating different features of gated development in western context and concluding wether the community is having same pattern or else they form the different typology.

Gates/fences Security guard Location Residents built up gates Parks based on some theme Swimming pool Club house Commercial area Social status Open spaces Remark
Arera colony Y N C Y N N N N H Y High society residences, the gates are just to make it more exclusive
Maple tree Y Y O N Y Y Y Y UM Y is the apartment typology with all integrated facilities
RBI colony Y Y C N N N N N GO Y Administrative officials apartment
JNNURM housing scheme Y N C N N N N N BPL Y Housing for urban poor, with no facilities and main features of gated enclaves.


  • ARERA COLONY – Is a prestige community where status is the prime requirement and security is secondary.
  • MAPLE TREE – Is the lifestyle community where all the facilities and amenities are shared by all.
  • RBI COLONY – Is constituting the new typology of gated community where people share common work zone and hence residing in the community. It is the forced community.
  • JNNURM HOUSING – too constitutes a new typology which is planned for urban poor without any facilities.


  • Greater availability of facilities and amenities with the enclave, reflect the greater social distance between the outside worlds.
  • The sub urban development in Bhopal has no interaction with the outside development whereas the community within the city allows partial connection to the outside society.
  • Class segregation leads to the social discrimination of urban poor.
  • The government failure in providing the public amenities leads to the formation of these enclaves which market there societies by this as a primary means.

  • References

    Blakely, E.J., M.G. Snyder. (1998). fortress America. MASSACHUSETTS, WASHINGTON D.C.: R.R. DONNELLEY & SONS Co. HARRISONBURG, VIRGINIA.

    Chris E McGoey, C. C. (2001). Gated Communities ACCESS CONTROL ISSUES.

    Jill Grant, Lindsey Mittelsteadt. (2004). Types of gated communities. Environment and Planning B: Planning and Design: VOLUME 31, 913-930.

    Ravindra, A. (2012, april 16). Bridging the gap between ghettos and gated communities. deccan herland.

    SCHÖNTEICH, KARINA LANDMAN & MARTIN. (2002). URBAN FORTRESSES: Gated communities as a reaction to crime. AFRICAN SECURITY REVIEW 11(4), 71-85.

    Wu, Fulong. (2005). Rediscovering the ‘Gate’ Under Market Transition:From Work-unit Compounds to Commodity Housing. Housing Studies, 235-254.

Angel’s Impression


Not that it has been your birthday so let’s have a flashback kind of a thing but I think over the year we have been able to transform, my each and every moment spend together is special. so here it goes like this…( you can feel special 😉 )
Should I call you a ‘FRIEND’ or a ‘FARISSTA ’ (an angel) still in a dilemma to give you a name…… but apart from a name, you owes a different position in my life, beyond words and expressions. Our conversation started with a fight on a phone call and after 5 years accidentally we met, to be frank, initially I hate you and want to stroll away, but today I am thankful to my friend who introduced us.
You are kind, humorous, very smart, and one of the few people that someone can just click with immediately. You allow acquaintances to be natural by inviting them to their comfort zone. Contradicting to this I am vice-versa, I am shy, introvert and unsocial. I don’t allow people in my comfort zone easily. But you make me learn how give love without any expectations.
A man with a pure heart and living no day with expectations make you stand out from the people around, with your presence, every moment become so special and full of joy that people forgot all their sorrows. This reason is that I feel blessed and to me you are the best gift I posses. (hahahaha) Isn’t it’s funny it’s your birthday and I am talking about thyself. (jokes apart)
They said there is a ‘Guardian Angel’ allotted to every person; who make things easy and favourable. “Guardian angel”, is just a expression, which can be found in any one around, and ‘I found in YOU’. You make me overcome all the difficulties I faced, you make me feel everything is in my favour (whether it is or not), you give me strength to battle against wrong and supports me for each precise pronouncement, you swipe away all my tears and make me smile in every situation. It is one of the best feeling to have someone in life whom you can relate and someone who doesn’t need to be explained everything and understands exactly the things, thoughts and beliefs need to be felt. You have been sure the one I can count even by closing my eyes.
You are my guide, my teacher and my critics, who guided me through everything. You are bright spot in my life, my mood is instantly lifted and my day gets better when I get to talk to you, and life just seems so perfect to be with you. With you I feel real, no make-up and no diplomacy, just a REAL ME.
Apart from all the good things, we do fight and debate a lot, but we both cannot last the fight for long, or I must take all the favour, “I cannot resist a day without you”. May be I sound bit filmy but, a day without you is like a year without you.
All those silly talks of my graduation, beating, hitting, laughing, playing cards, fighting only to care more, loving, hugging, planning mischief, poor jokes, supporting and driving through the dark scary jungles, that first cappuccino we had the hub in CCD, the tequila shot on your birthday, and your presence in my final jury, been the moments I share and heartily treasure.
This is a small span of 5 years, still I have lot to share, imagine if we were childhood friends… than I can write a book on our friendship.. You are my ‘ANGEL’ who makes everything to fall for.
On this auspicious day of yours, I want to wish you all the happiness in life, may all the pieces of your puzzle falls perfectly in place. I want you to be as you are, all full of love and happiness, people loves you because you love them and who hates you are not your loved ones either so live for your loved ones………. Because:–

Their life is happier because of you
Their heart is calmer because of you
Their soul feels wholesome because of you
They’re better persons because of you
They’re blessed to have you in their life.

Hope we get more such wonderful memories to cherish and celebrate. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR………..!!!!!