MARRIAGE……societal drive or temperament

imposed
imposed

As a girl child it’s been thought to us from our childhood that you have to get marry one day and leave your parents, siblings, friends and house. I passed my school in 2004, I was an average student and my relatives think that I will do nothing but a usual graduation. So, the day I got my result, mom told me that I had a marriage proposal by a doctor guy. I refused at a first instant and  they also supported me as I was too young. I passed my graduation in 2009 and again a new proposal from an engineer guy, working abroad and pulling in dollars. Now as, I am graduate the family pressure increases, still I manage to refuse and I said I wanted to do post graduation.

I thought the marriage thing is on hold for two years, but they keep on poking me for marriage . There is a time in my PG when every week I heard a news of someone got marry and these news came with the bash for my parents, that their daughter is also getting old. They arranged many meeting with different sort of guys in  although either they refused me or I did the honors.

I m 27 now and still not ready to for  THE marriage thing. But my friends, parents, relatives and society keep yelling on me that this is the right age to get marry otherwise you will be too old and you will have less options to dig in to.  You are a girl and you can’t live alone, people will curse you for this and you can’t bear the mental pains, these are the tantrums they throw on me to convince me for MARRIAGE. I call it blackmailing on the name of society…….’kya kahenge log jawan ladki ko ghar mein baitha rakha hai…haww!!!’….Does it really bothering them??

Marriage means many different things according to the time and place of the culture and people involved. We assume that, ” love is pre condition for marriage but in Indian society marriage is pre-condition for love”…. ‘shadi kar lo pyar to apne aap ho jaega’. These pragmatic marriage issues started with the informal taunting and later with the societal, family or friend’s pressure to get marry.

My associates often utter that today we all are single but when we all get marry, I will be left alone as they have their personal everyday jobs to fulfill. They think “FEAR of being ALONE” leads me to marriage. I m not against marriage, just having a doubt about the life after marriage!!

This intensive pressure of getting marry is killing me from inside and I m losing my confidence. Someone well said, ”Society knows perfectly well how to kill a woman and has methods more subtle than death.” Is it really difficult for a woman to stand on her determination in this patriarchy society where everyone pushes you to get marry!!! Why can’t I be distinct???Every second girl confront the similar issues and get into the trap of legal relation without their will….because the fake FACT says; you cant live alone!! Are we really heading towards the better democracy where you consider woman on equality or we just fudge around when we debate about our country……

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7 thoughts on “MARRIAGE……societal drive or temperament

  1. The beauty of this blog is that you have poured your feelings into words without a second thought. … the emotions are easily understandable…. well the indian society is a beast when it comes to its impact and domination on a girls life….. I would say that it is embedded in the societal practices that marriage is a pre requisite to normality… society doesn’t easily accept single independent women and adresses them negatively… “not married!!! Something must be wrong in her character or health, chal chalan acha nahi hoga, kahin lesbian toh nahi he” …..
    Daughter’s marriage is every indian parents nightmare….. since our society believes that a women is completed in her identity only by going through the normal cycle of family life… kisi ki biwi aur kisi ki maa… initially when their daughter is young the parents have time to find a suitable groom, they screen the proposals minutely. When the girl is young the number of marriage proposals are many and chosing the most desirable proposal is easy… as their daughters age increases they are more focused on getting her married than on judging the suitability of the groom…. there are fewer options (as men always want to marry younger women). And parents are scared of their daughter’s being frowned upon by the society and referred negatively…

  2. The beauty of this blog is that you have poured your feelings into words without a second thought. … the emotions are easily understandable…. well the indian society is a beast when it comes to its impact and domination on a girls life….. I would say that it is embedded in the societal practices that marriage is a pre requisite to normality… society doesn’t easily accept single independent women and adresses them negatively… “not married!!! Something must be wrong in her character or health, chal chalan acha nahi hoga, kahin lesbian toh nahi he” …..
    Daughter’s marriage is every indian parents nightmare….. since our society believes that a women is completed in her identity only by going through the normal cycle of family life… kisi ki biwi aur kisi ki maa… initially when their daughter is young the parents have time to find a suitable groom, they screen the proposals minutely. When the girl is young the number of marriage proposals are many and chosing the most desirable proposal is easy… as their daughters age increases they are more focused on getting her married than on judging the suitability of the groom…. there are fewer options (as men always want to marry younger women). And parents are scared of their daughter’s being frowned upon by the society and referred negatively

  3. I think that a very nice paradox is presented by author which many of us face in real life. I think that she is not alone as it represents the feeling of most of the youth of country. I agree with her on the views that Indian parents blackmail in the name of society but they are bounded by social rules and they also respected her decision after school when a doctor guy proposal came. Actually problem is that author has met so many guys and yet not found perfect groom so she thinks that her hope of getting one is becoming grim coupled by pressure from family and friends. I think that actually it is just opposite one should meet more guys or girls so that he or she can find perfect partner which he or she is looking for. And the best part is dont tell parents about initial meetings otherwise they may force in taking decision soon. Yes, it is aptly written that ”Society knows perfectly well how to kill a man and has methods more subtle than death.” It is on that person to come out of situation by himself or herself. This is not a typical problem faced by girls only, it is a common problem faced by sensitive youth and problem’s solution lies in not losing self confidence but in gaining self confidence and giving a befitting reply to society. I completely agree with last point that one has every reason to be distinct . On a lighter note”they refused me of I do the honors.” it should be “or” in place of “of”

  4. “The first -50- years of the marriage is always the hardest”

    I am not trying to scare you, it is just a funny quote and not true for most of the cases. The marriage decision is always hard as you are supposed to spent your whole life with that person; but this is also the real beauty of Indian culture rarely found in western countries…oops I am not trying to be mannish…off course it is duty of both man and women to maintain this. In ancient days, the women’s had liberty to choose their husband (swaymvars), but as the time passes man’s felt insecure and slowly-2 creates atmosphere against women’s liberty. They use women against women…main apne biradari (man) walon ke khilaph nahin hoon, I am just against some faulty practices.

    It is quite interesting to know that some silly doctor guy (22-24 years old) want to marry a girl who just completed her 12th…. Baal-vivah…..Although it is not child marriage but it is nearly equivalent to it. Actually every girl deserves to make her position in this society and it is irrespective whether she is the average one or extraordinary one.

    Believe me “char aise log or ristedaar sabke ghar main hoten hain” who are very much interested to interfere in others life because they find their time pass in it, so don’t bother about them. Now I am sharing my example, when I left my job in 2009….I have faced the extreme pressure of family and relatives. Most of the relatives assume that this was either result of recession or my laziness and shows their irritating sympathy. I was so fed up at that time; I simply try to convince all of them that I have simply resigned because I don’t like that job. Later I realized that “When you try to convince stupid persons, they simply bring you down to their level and beat you with their extreme experience of stupidity”. Whenever you feel depressed then remember this funny quote, try to concentrate on your passion because you can’t change others but you can utilize your time for your own betterment.

    I like this one “trap of legal relation without their will”….actually will of a girl is really essential in such type of life-long relations. If a girl or boy marriages without their will then they can’t live a happy life whatever extent they try. Everyone has the same doubts that what should be their life after marriage; Women-izzat dega, mera maa-baap ko puchega, kaam karne dega, pati marega , ladta rahega, ladke ke liye paresaan karega, saas jhala degi; Men- izzat degi, ladti rahegi, maa-baap ko izzat degi ki nahin, belan to nahin maregi : ) ….and fear of extramarital affair is common for both. Believe me it is not true for all cases; I have seen both happy and sad type of couples.

    The first two years of marriage is very crucial, as the couple has to transform from loving and responsible one to loving and responsible one for each other and for their families, the couple whom survive the pressure of this transformation they will get the successful married life for sure shot.

    I am not trying to convince you for marriage as it is your born right to live ur life as per your will either alone or with some idiot : ) but don’t feel frustrate….always remember “our anger is the trophy for the commenter, don’t give it easily”….who said it….who said it…..off course me….oops keep smiling it is healthy for you..Don’t angry it is healthier for others…

    Now I am ending with these wonderful lines “No one is perfect either a man or a woman, the couple who believe in this always get a successful married life.”

    1. Marriage of-course is a beautiful thing to happen and its us who makes, best or worse out of it,,,, here I am making people around me realize…GUYS PLEASE “stop pitying me coz i m not MARRIED” …. its not the matter of time or the age but it is always the matter of PERSON you are marrying… commiseration makes me feel sad about the whole idea and in this society BEING a GIRL child is a CRIME…
      soon i vil post the daily comments by married friends to an unmarried FRIEND and how it feels..:(

  5. Your article is really eye opener for this male dominated society……..I did not get your feedback on my mail…..I suddenly saw this otherwise I will improve my way of conveying thoughts…………….you don’t deserve to be sympathize…..you are a independent girl…….If some person shows there views because of he/she fully agree with your thoughts then for god sake please don’t consider these as pitying on you………it is not a crime to be a girl child…….no one trying commiseration……..it is always a one’s choice that what they want to do in their life…..I also believe that marriage is not the final goal of life…………….I did not want to make you sad……..believe me when I prepared this reply I really didn’t have any PITY type of feeling in my mind….I was feeling proud to see such a true person……..just think why a 30 year old unmarried, jobless guy feel pity on a girl like you……….He should have feel pity on him, not on you……I only feels your views heart touching, I only see my sisters hidden feelings in your article……….. I am also feeling very sad not for you only for me…..what a mess I have done!!…Please post the daily comments by married friends to an unmarried friends, as a culprit I don’t deserve to be feel happy………

    1. Hey I m not saying that you are giving my any kind of sympathy but here I am talking about people around me who are married or who are elder to me and makes me feel as if I really did something wrong by not getting married at this age..
      This makes me feel sad..
      As I told you your appreciation meant a lot!! These comments of yours inspired me to write more.😋.. And about the DISCLAIMER thing, I used as a humour and not as a taunt!! So guy chill!!! 😊I told you, each word have many meanings, as it’s about our attitude how we interpret… I take all your words in a positive way and I am just trying to convince you about y I was so negative in my thoughts!!! So please, don’t take my words otherwise.. N keep commenting n do read my upcoming blogs😎😎

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