Category Archives: marriage issue

the dilemma of getting marry

OLDmates to SOULmates

DesktopTo all loving friend (specially married) out there, ‘I LOVE YOU ALL…. and miss our silly talks and dusky hangouts. I don’t want to say you have changed, but!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER: No words are here to harm anyone’s feeling, i know you all lve me and care for me but these are the things which annoys me a lot and should be rectify….

We were friends….actually best buddies… we have a  large gang, where we use to share our thoughts, joys and sorrows, make promises, constitute anticipation about our future. With the growing age  we fall apart, with different tasks to pursue and with the growing age some got engaged.

Soon my ‘Facebook Wall’ is blowing up with announcements of my former FRIENDS getting engaged and started preparing for further “add ons”

They found their “LOVE”, got MARRIED, and living happily in their cocoons . They are more busy in their lives (which i truly understand and appreciate).  Moment they got married, they have an extended family, husband, children, job, responsibilities etc to look over. Sadly friends end up at the bottom of the list; promises they made as a friend fades away with time.

i have no complains regarding such affairs. But their are some things married friends really need to look over. I know you all are worried about the leftovers in your gang. But understand our perspective too.

‘Living as a single person in a tightly knit religious community is a total suck-fest and you doing the same, they don’t forget to set up their single friends’.

Married freinds make assumptions like stereo types-

1. I think he/she is not yet overcome his/her past relation.

2. I think he/she is not straight.

3. He/ She sets their bars too high that nobody meeting up their criteria (they should actually redefine their bars, otherwise nobody will marry them)

4. Over ambition is some time harmful.

5. If not get married on time they will either get a divorcee or a widow.

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After making their assumptions they start giving us the advice or a “push” to put us in a relationship:

  • May be you should join a club or move out from here, put yourself out more and interact with new people, if you really want to meet someone.
  • Plan your wedding before I plan my baby (otherwise I will not be able to attend your wedding)
  • (or agar hum bole ki abhi nai karni hume shadi) Hey, Ok don’t get  married but at least meet people (kya pata kab kaun acha lag jae. baat nai karogi to kaise karogi shadi)
  • find someone by yourself
  • patch up with your ex and get married to him/her, i think he is the right person for you (jisko yahi dost gali dete the aj patchup karne bol rahe hai :O)
  • hey I have a friend, why don’t you people hang out, ‘kya pata kuch acha ho jae’.
  • You are running out of your age, later on it will be difficult to conceive

They always treat us like we have failed at some test, or we have some disabilities, just because we haven’t succumbed to monogamy.

They call me often and the conversation is always one sided, they never listen to us and have their own stories to tell (yaar hume bhi kuch batana ho sakta hai), and over it when we start to speak this happens:-

“Married friend presses for details. I provide details. Married friend gives advice. I listen and try of how to explain my side without being rude. ( which actually never happens). Married friend continues with advice. I am quite and hopefully polite. Conversation ENDS”

Friends, we know you have so much to talk about, you care about us, but their are topics apart from marriage in this world, over which we can chat about. Your single friend wants to hang out with you and your spouse, without feeling wired. I am not here to complain about our friendship, I know you peoploe are worried and care about me. But it’s important for both the side to listen and to kindly choose your words carefully (I don’t want you people to pity of me because, ‘I am not married’).

I really hope, my own married friends don’t think this section is all bout things they have done because it’s not. I just hope that by reading this you make your friend feel strong and not weak for not getting married (make them feel you are with them always).I know it’s a challenge juggling a relationship and friends at the same time, dude we are not demanding time but spare us with these issues (already relatives hai iske liye).

Marriage is the matter of  right time , the day they have their time to get married they will, but till than kindly glam up your friendship with other stuff and not marriage( society is enough for pushing us for marriage, let them handle this).

Week before “THE DAY”

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So, my lady it’s just a week far, countdown begins!!…… U must be all busy with your last moment tamping…. And here I am with a post, long enough to keep u busy and steal a minute from your schedule for me and JUST ME… !!!! Yeeee!!!! Here you go!!!

Congratulations on your big day!! Congratulations on being the first among all 5 of us to getting married… do guide us on our big day… ;)!!!! Just thinking about you getting married, and all I want to say makes me all teary ( in a best way of course). Your wedding day is all at once a “Very Big Day and Just the Beginning”.

I wish, I had some wise words of intelligence for your new era, but I don’t! Sooner you will be a Mrs.…. A WIFE, a DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, rather accountable for someone other than yourself….your life will change significantly!! And I am so very excited that I will be a part of it.

I am so happy for you. This day is bigger than the Graduation day, or a job recruitment, or the day when we became friends!! “THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY”.

We met in 2004 and became friends….as time passed our friendship became stronger but due to some misunderstanding we had many cold wars……and than in 2009 we went our own ways!!! But destiny planned something else and you came to my city and we regained our loosen bond…. Remember the talks we had in our college days about marriage and the plans we used to make for the wedding day!!!! That was so much fun!! We may not follow our plans but the bond we share is beyond words and you know, you are one of my closest friend.

We’re so different, yet so deeply connected that it doesn’t matter that we met rarely or we hardly share our sorrows. We don’t need it!!! So here are some great and exclusive things about you, which makes you special and dear for everyone around you.

You have a way of making people feel safe and understood; the ability to be honest and upfront yet supportive; the way you understand the unsaid things and react accordingly; the way you manage your problems and desiccation towards the responsibilities which is your biggest asset. And I adore you even after your marriage. I may not be all around you but still I miss you every time….

My advice for this week : feel every moment, wonderful or otherwise. When someone says something you don’t like just think “ This is my Life”; when you are overwhelmed and surprised with someone think “This is my Life” and when you take that man’s hand and declare ypur loyalty and commitment in front of everyone around; think “THIS IS MY LIFE” and smile…. 

“ No matter what’s happening around; you know how to make it favorable”…. Love you my friend and will always do…. be “EXPENSIVE”!!!

Enjoy yourself, laugh, and take every moment for what they create: the beginning of the next part of your life.

A WISH

Today is a dream realized from years past, The red dress, the wedding ring, the promise of a love that lasts.

Today is the beginning of a journey the two of you now share The vow to love, honor, and cherish now seen in the rings you wear,

But tomorrow, tomorrow you will wake as husband and wife, Where the person next to you is yours for life,

And so my wish to you both is that when you wake each day, You will turn to each other with the same look you share on THE DAY.

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MARRIAGE……societal drive or temperament

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As a girl child it’s been thought to us from our childhood that you have to get marry one day and leave your parents, siblings, friends and house. I passed my school in 2004, I was an average student and my relatives think that I will do nothing but a usual graduation. So, the day I got my result, mom told me that I had a marriage proposal by a doctor guy. I refused at a first instant and  they also supported me as I was too young. I passed my graduation in 2009 and again a new proposal from an engineer guy, working abroad and pulling in dollars. Now as, I am graduate the family pressure increases, still I manage to refuse and I said I wanted to do post graduation.

I thought the marriage thing is on hold for two years, but they keep on poking me for marriage . There is a time in my PG when every week I heard a news of someone got marry and these news came with the bash for my parents, that their daughter is also getting old. They arranged many meeting with different sort of guys in  although either they refused me or I did the honors.

I m 27 now and still not ready to for  THE marriage thing. But my friends, parents, relatives and society keep yelling on me that this is the right age to get marry otherwise you will be too old and you will have less options to dig in to.  You are a girl and you can’t live alone, people will curse you for this and you can’t bear the mental pains, these are the tantrums they throw on me to convince me for MARRIAGE. I call it blackmailing on the name of society…….’kya kahenge log jawan ladki ko ghar mein baitha rakha hai…haww!!!’….Does it really bothering them??

Marriage means many different things according to the time and place of the culture and people involved. We assume that, ” love is pre condition for marriage but in Indian society marriage is pre-condition for love”…. ‘shadi kar lo pyar to apne aap ho jaega’. These pragmatic marriage issues started with the informal taunting and later with the societal, family or friend’s pressure to get marry.

My associates often utter that today we all are single but when we all get marry, I will be left alone as they have their personal everyday jobs to fulfill. They think “FEAR of being ALONE” leads me to marriage. I m not against marriage, just having a doubt about the life after marriage!!

This intensive pressure of getting marry is killing me from inside and I m losing my confidence. Someone well said, ”Society knows perfectly well how to kill a woman and has methods more subtle than death.” Is it really difficult for a woman to stand on her determination in this patriarchy society where everyone pushes you to get marry!!! Why can’t I be distinct???Every second girl confront the similar issues and get into the trap of legal relation without their will….because the fake FACT says; you cant live alone!! Are we really heading towards the better democracy where you consider woman on equality or we just fudge around when we debate about our country……