Week before “THE DAY”

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So, my lady it’s just a week far, countdown begins!!…… U must be all busy with your last moment tamping…. And here I am with a post, long enough to keep u busy and steal a minute from your schedule for me and JUST ME… !!!! Yeeee!!!! Here you go!!!

Congratulations on your big day!! Congratulations on being the first among all 5 of us to getting married… do guide us on our big day… ;)!!!! Just thinking about you getting married, and all I want to say makes me all teary ( in a best way of course). Your wedding day is all at once a “Very Big Day and Just the Beginning”.

I wish, I had some wise words of intelligence for your new era, but I don’t! Sooner you will be a Mrs.…. A WIFE, a DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, rather accountable for someone other than yourself….your life will change significantly!! And I am so very excited that I will be a part of it.

I am so happy for you. This day is bigger than the Graduation day, or a job recruitment, or the day when we became friends!! “THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY”.

We met in 2004 and became friends….as time passed our friendship became stronger but due to some misunderstanding we had many cold wars……and than in 2009 we went our own ways!!! But destiny planned something else and you came to my city and we regained our loosen bond…. Remember the talks we had in our college days about marriage and the plans we used to make for the wedding day!!!! That was so much fun!! We may not follow our plans but the bond we share is beyond words and you know, you are one of my closest friend.

We’re so different, yet so deeply connected that it doesn’t matter that we met rarely or we hardly share our sorrows. We don’t need it!!! So here are some great and exclusive things about you, which makes you special and dear for everyone around you.

You have a way of making people feel safe and understood; the ability to be honest and upfront yet supportive; the way you understand the unsaid things and react accordingly; the way you manage your problems and desiccation towards the responsibilities which is your biggest asset. And I adore you even after your marriage. I may not be all around you but still I miss you every time….

My advice for this week : feel every moment, wonderful or otherwise. When someone says something you don’t like just think “ This is my Life”; when you are overwhelmed and surprised with someone think “This is my Life” and when you take that man’s hand and declare ypur loyalty and commitment in front of everyone around; think “THIS IS MY LIFE” and smile…. 

“ No matter what’s happening around; you know how to make it favorable”…. Love you my friend and will always do…. be “EXPENSIVE”!!!

Enjoy yourself, laugh, and take every moment for what they create: the beginning of the next part of your life.

A WISH

Today is a dream realized from years past, The red dress, the wedding ring, the promise of a love that lasts.

Today is the beginning of a journey the two of you now share The vow to love, honor, and cherish now seen in the rings you wear,

But tomorrow, tomorrow you will wake as husband and wife, Where the person next to you is yours for life,

And so my wish to you both is that when you wake each day, You will turn to each other with the same look you share on THE DAY.

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“LET’S BEGIN OUR PORTION” ,Better to be strong than pretty and useless.

Template 3Congratulations…..it’s a GIRL!!…..AGAIN!!!  Family  stood in silence….In India women who fail to produce sons are beaten, have to live with the second wife of her husband and live in her house as a maid or brutally murder them to remarry and produce a son with another wife.

In today’s modern time when everything is getting advanced in terms of technology, education and so called SOCIETIES, we still carry forward the orthodox thinking about women. Every individual talks or write about violence on women, women equality, killing female infants and rape, they also talks about the change we need to bring in our  society to overcome these issues….but in reality  ‘talking’, is the only thing they do!! Are we really applying those so called verdicts to change the society!!

We call ourselves modern, techno-freaks but when it comes to women we still behave conservative. Whether it’s an urban man or a man living in a village for women the approach is similar. A guy I met in a train who is married and was a father of a girl, we started talking and discussing each other’s profession and when I am telling her about my profession he interrupt and said; I don’t like women work as they hurdle our salary and promotion. I asked him, how can a co-worker hamper your success? He said they are too slow to meet the dead lines but are consistent in their performance. So other  company is getting more in less and they don’t demand for increments, which in return affect men’s life as when they ask for increment the boss give them the example of these women who share the same post and more consistent in her performance. So he interpret that these girls are acquiring their jobs in less pay which attract companies to hire them over man. When he finished I just asked him a single question; you are a father of a girl and will you be not happy seeing your girl working and achieving her goals?? The man said no….I will not allow her to work.

We live in a patriarchy world where man always has an upper hand. But why always women have to sacrifice their life for you or your family….they do have dreams to fulfill but then why always they are asked to forfeiture by keeping their aspirations on stake…I will not blame men!! But the society for their myths about women…the defect or the loops in the upbringing of a girl where constantly people around her told that she has to behave in a certain manner because she is a girl. Also society manipulates the traditional stories and put up in the way that world looks male dominated and women as a sufferer. For example: in Hinduism – ‘Sita’, wife of Lord Rama sat on fire to prove herself pure (interpretation by the society: girl are not allowed to step out from their home and they are the property to their husbands) ; in Jainism – they don’t praise any goddess as they consider their menstruation as a curse for the purity to be the God(interpretation: women are nothing without man); in Islam – man is allowed to have four wives (interpretation that they are allowed to marry as many women). In some traditional setups, women are required to be covered from head-to-toes in dark grab, where their greatest offence is showing their face, while on others, they are untouchables during the period of menstruation, unable to enter a kitchen or eat with their own family.

These biased stories in our childhood from sacred books never tell us the other side of the coin where women are kept at the top in every single religion, where they are respected, how they should be respected and also states the consequences for not doing so. “Our religion is not and has never been, “reluctant” to tell women to stop doing things.” In fact, people build entire careers around it and manipulated them for their well-beings. We start believing the facts that we are weak and a step below them. The brutal irony is that it is an evil perpetrated against girls by women and we just stay silent and tolerate because we learnt to behave this way. In Urban Liberal Society the inequalities exist with different notions, spinsterhood, divorce and single motherhood are un-expectable in many shells. The societal pressure to settle down, conform and support only the spouse’s career along with an uncooperative family ensure women give up the hope of long-term careers, settle for odd jobs, or simply quit.

“Things keep happening all around us. There is violence, there is gore, there are people who will use us and never look back to see what became of you, and worse, there are people who will break us into smithereens before they leave.”

Every women or individual is aware of our condition and our suffering but still it is phenomenon because we are allowing us to suffer. We can’t change the myths just by talking. We have to act to revolutionize it. By giving women reservations, talking about gender spaces or trying to plan city according to gender equality are not the answers to this problem. They may be the tools which will help us out in later stages but for a real change we have to start with basics.

To bring a real change we have to transform the upbringing techniques of our child, from the childhood we have to teach a girl that she is none lesser then any guy, she can do everything and anything she wants. We have to break our mental myths and come out from the cocoon where we consider her weak. We have to make our next generation understand women equally important as man. We have to give her the freedom and teach our son to respect every girl she met. The discrimination regarding education, freedom, priorities, fashion etc should be change to break the line between a girl and a boy. Boys should be educated regarding the superiority of the women, being responsible to carry forward lives on planet and she is as important as a man to be a part of every decision making. The sacred stories are to be reframed, where they indulge the value and position of women in every individual.

Above all we as a woman have to believe in ourselves, that we are no lesser than a man and can achieve everything we want. As a women love yourself and respect every woman around you. Stop underestimating your strength, because god made you to fight against all the pains so just club up all your inner powers and answer this world that when we agree to same principles everything will be change. We don’t need a matriarchic society but for equality we have to fight back for our own rights….if we are responsible for every new life than make them believe that if you kill us, ‘You are ending life’ on this earth. Ladies proud to a part of womanhood…. ‘Together we can and we will bring a change’, and for this start action as ‘word may lie but action will always tell the truth’.

Superstition is the religion of feeble minds

images1 Story:  approach 1

Lady: I need a boy child….I can do everything for a boy!!

Pandit or astrologer: tumhari rekhao mein ladka hai to lekin pati ke haato mein nai hai….isliye pooja karwani  padegi or daan karna padega….or sath mein 5 Mondays ka fast or Tuesday ko neele kapde pehnna to hi ladka hoga.

Lady: ji pandit ji hum sab karenge par ladka ho jaega na…

Yeh sab karne ke baad bi agar ladki ho gayi to pandit dosh apko hi deta hai….tumne puja aache se nai ki

2 Story: approach 2

Lady: I am not able to conceive baby?

 Rather to consult a baba or a pandit, she consult a Doctor and by scientific means and proper treatment she gave birth to a healthy child.

 

Success, fame, love, money are the most desired things by all of us. Poor or rich everybody needs a tag to live stress free life and for their stress they either blame the piteous cat or plot orientation or start questing their own NAME……and change their name or spelling. (Are you not loosing on your own identity?)

Is this makes a difference in their life??…may be to some extent and by passing years another problem knocks on their door…for which again they make changes……and if you think logically, the mortals who are opted for such observances are heaping their scoops. They dread us and our fear fertile their bank balance…..

How weak our mind is; how quickly it is terrified and unbalanced as soon as we are confronted with a small, incomprehensible fact. Instead of diminishing the problem with: “We do not understand because we cannot find the cause,” we immediately imagine terrible mysteries and supernatural powers. Rather to confront our mistakes we just run behind the fake facts. It is well said; “We are not god loving people, we are god fearing people” and this fear make us to forget that we are human beings and we will die some day.

“We Fear things which we are not aware of”, for example you do not know about an aggressive dog behavior that is the reason we fear that dog, or else you don’t know the way to a new city so we fear going on that road. The only thing to conquer fear is to face the problem rather to avoid it.

If you believe in god and your own conscious than you know what all good deeds you have done and what wrong you are doing ….so gear up for the consequences …… “Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”

By following such things and believing these unwanted facts can we conquer death?? NO…NEVER…..because if we can!! Then we are GOD…..!!

There are people who do things with positive attitude and they get positive results, they never blame god for their failure and they take risks and overcome their fear. Just follow your conscious and it will never betray you, but be with you, no matter what happen.

Believe in your KARMAS and your conscious which tells you the deviation between right and wrong. And be ready for the consequences in future as your KARMA return to you sooner or later….STOP being superstitious and blaming the non existing facts for your failure. If we are literate enough than put it in that way and use your minds before following such abbreviations!!…….or ASHARAM to hai hi apke samne…..jo apna bhala nai kar sakte apka kaise karenge??

MARRIAGE……societal drive or temperament

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As a girl child it’s been thought to us from our childhood that you have to get marry one day and leave your parents, siblings, friends and house. I passed my school in 2004, I was an average student and my relatives think that I will do nothing but a usual graduation. So, the day I got my result, mom told me that I had a marriage proposal by a doctor guy. I refused at a first instant and  they also supported me as I was too young. I passed my graduation in 2009 and again a new proposal from an engineer guy, working abroad and pulling in dollars. Now as, I am graduate the family pressure increases, still I manage to refuse and I said I wanted to do post graduation.

I thought the marriage thing is on hold for two years, but they keep on poking me for marriage . There is a time in my PG when every week I heard a news of someone got marry and these news came with the bash for my parents, that their daughter is also getting old. They arranged many meeting with different sort of guys in  although either they refused me or I did the honors.

I m 27 now and still not ready to for  THE marriage thing. But my friends, parents, relatives and society keep yelling on me that this is the right age to get marry otherwise you will be too old and you will have less options to dig in to.  You are a girl and you can’t live alone, people will curse you for this and you can’t bear the mental pains, these are the tantrums they throw on me to convince me for MARRIAGE. I call it blackmailing on the name of society…….’kya kahenge log jawan ladki ko ghar mein baitha rakha hai…haww!!!’….Does it really bothering them??

Marriage means many different things according to the time and place of the culture and people involved. We assume that, ” love is pre condition for marriage but in Indian society marriage is pre-condition for love”…. ‘shadi kar lo pyar to apne aap ho jaega’. These pragmatic marriage issues started with the informal taunting and later with the societal, family or friend’s pressure to get marry.

My associates often utter that today we all are single but when we all get marry, I will be left alone as they have their personal everyday jobs to fulfill. They think “FEAR of being ALONE” leads me to marriage. I m not against marriage, just having a doubt about the life after marriage!!

This intensive pressure of getting marry is killing me from inside and I m losing my confidence. Someone well said, ”Society knows perfectly well how to kill a woman and has methods more subtle than death.” Is it really difficult for a woman to stand on her determination in this patriarchy society where everyone pushes you to get marry!!! Why can’t I be distinct???Every second girl confront the similar issues and get into the trap of legal relation without their will….because the fake FACT says; you cant live alone!! Are we really heading towards the better democracy where you consider woman on equality or we just fudge around when we debate about our country……