After running away for so many years finally I am on the other side of the game, ‘yes! I am married now’. Does this change my view on marriage?? Does those fairy tales about prince charming is a reality or just the advertising element to sell marriages as a product? I will say a NO. I am still doubtful, why we have to make things complex, if we can easily make it simple by just being in LOVE.
Yes, I am happily married for past one year and exploring new things every day in my marriage. Rather, I am still in the sync up mode but still things are getting better day by day. I understand marriage just not brings two identities together but also two lives with different choices, complex attitude and their own lifestyles and amalgamation of all these leads to unwanted fights.
After marriage things have been changed, my perspective for most of the issues are concerning my husband. . I know my priorities, dislikes, likes, preferences, mood swings, food habits and may be the symptoms of getting ill have undergone a major shift for the sake of marriage and I am trying to convince myself that this is ‘NORMAL’.
Marriage change both man and woman. Women find internal and organizational take over where as men find external and financial takeover. He, as a man also fighting to get in into a new scenario which we, intentionally created for ourselves.
I was a very ambitious girl with full of dreams, good job, independent, bold, outspoken and happy attitude (this was me before marriage). In just one shot all these traits are either missing or in the verge of fade. I will not blame my husband for this but will surely blame marriage. It took everything from me; my parents, my friends, my job, my independence. I shifted to USA and being not from an IT background, getting a job is difficult. So my husband suggested me to pursue my studies and here I am, again experiencing a student life (surely with the pressure of having a baby).
After marriage you cannot be yourself any more, you have pressure from society to behave in a certain manner, to talk politely, to wear decent clothes and inform someone before leaving the house. These may not be the restriction in my maternal house.
Everyday I discover a new statement stating my qualities (or you may say shortcomings), a new adjective, which is new to me and before marriage I was not aware of these traits. I always overthink on these adjectives and ask myself am I like this or marriage made me so??
I often miss my friends and family, I do call them but they are also so busy in their own so called married life.
Ya we spend good time too. We go for holidays, he cooks for me, he makes me feel special with surprise gifts and candle light dinners, he opens a door for me but again these are the short term activities. He is working and I am now a housewife. I wait all day for him to come home at talk to me, rather he either sleeps of work at home. When I complain about his time, he tells me that everybody works like this in USA(Indians who works for two time zones).
We play a blame games and blame each other or n number of things, (I will not go into the details) but at the end we sort it out, as in the end we will remain together and it’s about us.
Yes I am ‘MARRIED’ and living the complex life, but I am happy here, its peaceful here (apart from all the madness).
I miss talking my heart out, I miss being myself, I miss my long drives, I miss myself….. I thing I am in a rebooting mode (with some new updates).